She's alright

For those of you blog readers who already accuse me of writing tear-jerkers, you might as well get out the tissues for this post as well.  This has been an especially emotional week for me because Olivia seems to be growing up over night.  Today is her 18 mos. birthday.  Last week she was teething a lot, and now all of her canine teeth have poked through.  Probably due in part to teething pain, over the weekend she started to become much less interested in nursing.  She just wanted to bite me and when I said no, she would stop nursing without any interest in continuing.  I was only nursing her once a day, first thing in the morning anyway, and she just seemed like she was ready to get on with her day.  

After several days of Olivia refusing to nurse, yesterday was the first day that I didn't offer to nurse her.  It was also the day that Kyle and I brought her to visit her "school".  We just stopped in for a 10 minute visit in the classroom so we could meet the teachers and ask some questions.  Olivia started crying when we first went in the room, probably because she assumed that we were going to leave her there.  But once daddy got down on the floor with her, she went right over to the little table and wanted to sit in the chair that was hooked onto to it.  The classroom had about 8 boys and only one other girl.  It was a whirlwind of activity in there!  The teachers seemed excited to be getting another girl.  They said, "Wow, she's talking already!  She'll have to teach these boys how to talk!"  After she sat in the chair for a little while, Livy went right over to the puzzles and started handing out puzzle pieces to the other kids.   She would say the name of the pieces as she handed them out.  She even gave one little boy a high five.

I know we made the right decision in choosing this daycare, and I know Olivia will be all right.  But it has still been hard for me to accept that she is getting older and is becoming more and more independent.  I have been trying to get my emotions out this week so that I will have most of it out of my system by next week when I have to leave her.  It is strange the things that can set me off, though.  Last night, Kyle asked how I was going to do her hair for daycare, and for some reason that question caused me to burst into tears.  It must be hormones, as my mom would say.
         
Psalm 131:2 says, "I have stilled and quieted my soul; like a weaned child with its mother, like a weaned child is my soul within me."  In this psalm, David was writing about how his soul was not disturbed by selfish ambition and passion.  Like a weaned child no longer wanting his mother's milk, he was content without the thing that he used to not be able to live without.  I feel like Olivia truly has this kind of contentment about weaning.  I really enjoyed the bond that nursing brought the two of us, but now the time has come to put that part of our relationship behind us.  I can feel God beginning to give me a sense of peace and contentment about this transition, just as he is providing it for Livy.  After all, we are both God's children and can do all things through Christ, who gives us strength. (Philippians 4:13)  I've heard that parenting is a series of letting go.  I prefer to think of it as a series of giving Olivia back to God, who she has belonged to all along anyway.